Forgive the long hiatus, you know how life gets sometimes. Mine has been anything but boring just in case you are wondering. I have been buried in the lab working on a chemical reactor. Yeah that sounds intimidating doesn’t it? I have spent some of my spare time working on a manuscript though and from now on ladies *wink wink* I will only be giving tough love on this blog.
You might be wondering what the title is about. “Got something to hide” sure sounds like I am referring to a murder mystery (I am planning that theme party soon by the way) but nope, I am referring to the skeletons in your heart.
Call me “Miss something to prove”, I will wear that badge boldly because like you, I have lots to hide and definitely don’t want anyone getting close to my ‘secret closet’. During my hiatus, I spent a lot of time observing women; that sounds weird considering I am a woman too but this time, I made sure I included myself, my unsuspecting colleagues and friends in the research and oh dear! I am exhausted from all I found out.
During my research period, I met Miss “I don’t have to look good because I don’t care about what anyone thinks of me.” I met Miss “I don’t need a man; I am too strong for anyone to handle”. I met Miss “All I want is to feel loved, even if it’s not real” and of course I met Miss “Come hail or storm, Armageddon or inferno, I am going to make my man ‘the one’ even though he is not ‘the one'”, an awful lot of misses yeah?
First thing I want to say on this post is that we women have so much power but we just don’t know how to utilize it. Insecurities are a big part of our lives; ranging from that tiny spot no one can see on our face that keeps us up at night, to that bathroom scale that makes us feel like we are carrying the world on our shoulders, we wallow in insecurities but guess what, we hide them behind fancy degrees, clothes, cars and even in plain sight sometimes! (who would think to look there anyway?)
Meet Miss “I don’t have to look good because I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”. She walks around with her head high and her clothes scruffy; as a staunch believer in the saying “Beauty comes from within”, she doesn’t make any effort on her outward appearance (I also believe in that saying but I know men don’t queue up to hear your theories on quantum physics the moment they meet you #JustSaying). I realized from my research that this particular Miss has lots of issues to hide but like an experienced criminal, she hides all her yearnings and insecurities in plain sight! She wants to feel wanted but doesn’t want to make it obvious that she needs anyone in her life so no, she doesn’t go to the salon to fix her hair or titivate herself during the weekends; she doesn’t believe in going out; yes she will do the occasional coffee with you at McDonald’s but forget about getting her to go to a fancy restaurant, wearing a figure-hugging dress or even cute pumps – she’s very satisfied with the pilgrimage-looking sandals.
Yes! That’s what our Miss loves. Know this today; Miss “I don’t have to look good” is actually dying to look good. If you don’t believe me, check her browser history, look at her face when you rock up in a beatutiful dress, prepared to spend some time with friends. Her smile is more of a wish; “i wish I had the confidence to wear those shoes” “i wish my thighs were not so big” I wish my bone structure did not look so manly”… If wishes were horses….
Now, let’s meet Miss “I don’t need a man; i am too strong for anyone to handle”. This is another experienced criminal, even more experienced than our former Miss. Why do I say that? Miss “I don’t need a man” is very convincing. She is always well dressed, she is always laughing, she’s always hanging out with friends but guess what? She’s never looking for a man…or so she says. She gets offers from different men and she rejects them all. You look at her and say to yourself “She clearly doesn’t need a man; she’s beautiful and strong… on her own.” Well, guess what this Miss is hiding? A fantasy. Yeah you’re probably thinking “HUH???” Hehehe! believe it or not, Miss “i don’t need a man” is most likely holding out for a fantasy (take note of the bold words) or has been badly hurt and has decided to shut down though deep inside, she is yearning for Mr. Right.
You know when you read Mills and Boon novels where the men are projected as sarcastic, sexy with a hint of a cold resolve that eventually melts into a romantic pool where he kisses his lady on the forehead, pulls her back when she’s about to walk away, holds her close when she’s crying…. Who doesn’t want a man like that? Even I am hyper-ventilating as I type this but hey guess what, Mr. Romeo is in a novel. No man is that perfect but Miss “I don’t need a man” doesn’t realize that. You see she’s trapped in a fallacy and keeps preparing herself for the man who will never come and all the while rejecting the real, ‘non-puppety’, ‘non-clouded’, ‘non-imagination’ men approaching her.
Dear Miss “I don’t have to look good” It is easy to walk around with your lack of confidence and perhaps many other insecurities that bug you when you are not drawing any attention to yourself. You are the perfect buddy chic, ready to help others, ready to fix their lives but not willing to be put under a microscope. You are the beautiful woman who hides behind dirty hair and unattractive clothes and you call that your sense of style *Clearing my throat* It’s not a sense of style if it’s not stylish. You are the loyal friend that will defend your girlfriends and give them the best advice and you watch in admiration as they move on to live happily ever after…without you of course. Three is definitely a crowd. It is sometimes difficult to deal with insecurities as a woman; harder still when people are constantly poking and prodding you about features that you’d rather not talk about but ignoring them and not drawing any attention to them won’t make them go away so let’s do something together shall we? Let’s write out what we are really insecure about and why we are hiding. The first step to recovery is accepting you have a problem. Once you do that, 50% of the problem is solved.
And to Miss “I don’t need a man”, I can’t help but smile when I think about you because I used to be like you, not because I was actually ‘self-sufficient’ (I use that description loosely here) but because I was hurt but was too weak to let it show. Yes, too weak to admit I let someone get to me or worse still fool me.
You probably break down when you are alone and ask God “Why Why?” (you will be very surprised at the number of ladies that do this) or perhaps you are the type that’s truly holding out for a fantasy and would just not settle for a real human being (you’re on a ‘long thing’ o); here’s what I think (it’s not the gospel so feel free to debate over it), being vulnerable is an intrinsic quality of women; I said vulnerable not gullible (there are some situations that are just ridiculous). Admitting your weakness is a road to recovery on its own. You can’t just shut down simply because you’ve been hurt and you can’t shut everyone out for a man that probably doesn’t exist.
My advice? Don’t become too busy to feel, too self-sufficient to get help or too cold to love life.
Miss “I want to feel loved even if it’s not real” and Miss “Come hail or storm, Armageddon or inferno” I will make him ‘the one'”, you are next on my list ;).
Dear Miss “up in the air with my stilts” I am still planning to get to you. Please don’t fall off those stilts before I do. You are my favourite girl so I will save you for the last in this series, dedicate a whole post to you and no one else. Yes, you are that high up on my list, thanks to those stilts.
Wondering which category i belong to? *sigh* What’s life without a little secrecy 😉