How to woo a lady 101

The past few weeks have been about us ladies so I thought I should slip in a little something for the guys, because really, they need ALL the help they can get these days.

Having a lot of male friends has its perks; it gives me an insight into the minds of men and how they think. One very disturbing aspect is how men think they ought to woo us. Trust me I have done a survey of some sort and about 60% of the men I interviewed (though they had no idea it was an interview) said the best way to woo a lady is to buy her a bottle of wine, take her partying at a club and before dusk turns to dawn, she is all yours. HUH??? My first question was “Who are these women?!!! I need to get them some brain cleansing chemicals.

Dear young men, just like you say men are not the same, please bear in mind that women are not the same! That leads me to tip number 1

* Know your audience! Not all women respond well to cheesy pickup lines. I know I don’t! I see many men walking up to ten different women with the intention of using the same pick up line on all of them. like really??? If lady A fell for it, it doesn’t mean lady B will! I was at a cafe once, taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi to check my emails. A guy walked up to me, holding a glass full of ice and one full of coke. He asked if he could sit next to me, I nodded, engrossed in what I was doing. He sat quietly for a while and suddenly dropped a cube of ice on the table. I looked up wondering if he had spasms in his right hand but lo and behold, the brother says to me…”Now that I have broken the ice, what’s your name?” I looked at the ice-cube, it was not broken; it was melting beneath the scorching Cape Town sun. I shook my head without responding and the brother got pissed, hissed and said “Women like you end up alone”. Oh really? Thanks for the news flash! I am so sad!

* If you are meeting a lady for the first time, feeling her out is a good way to get her talking. Don’t just walk up to her and ask “Hi, can I have your number?” Helloooo! Any lady in her right senses would be thinking “dude, I don’t know your name, I don’t know what you are about…I just don’t give my number to every Tom Dick and John on the street.  I know some guys say this works for them and I’ll tell you what I tell them- “take a drive around at night; you will probably find your lady waiting for you by the roadside.

* If you crack a joke once and she doesn’t laugh, please please don’t crack it again! The joke is already broken, scattered all over the floor and no, she didn’t find it funny so move on to something else. Cracking jokes are probably not your strong point. Don’t make the poor girl suffer from your sense of humour or lack thereof.

* If you succeed in getting her to go on a date with you, don’t just sit there and be quiet the whole time! That is just sinfully boring. I know guys like to say “i just like hearing you talk”, thinking they sound romantic. No! you don’t sound romantic. You sound like you think I’m a radio and that is just not cool. 

*Take her to a place you can afford! Please please I know we live in a society that supports gender equality but I always ay that should not come to play on the first date. Don’t ask to split the bill in half. If McDonald’s is what you can afford, let her know…there are pretty cool ways of doing that..” like milkshakes?” “Yeah” “oh I do too! we should take a walk to McDonald’s and enjoy some together.” Easy peezy. Don’t take her out to a fancy restaurant, order food for her alone and before she can eat two spoonfuls, say “Do you mind if I taste your food?” Oh yes! that happened to me. The guy ate everything on my plate and left his saliva stuck on my cutlery. 

I left the restaurant absolutely hungry and this brother was winking at me, asking if I would like to go hang out with him and his buddies at the coca-cola dome in the city. Dude! You ate my food!!! Yes I am still holding a grudge against that guy for that.

Ok guys! It’s time for me to get back to work. Very soon, I’ll be taking you through another course of how to woo a lady 102. Of course many of you will read this and say “I ain’t got time for all this” Oh please! Bite me!

Yes, the residual anger against the guy that ate my food is seeping through my fingers to the blog now. LOL. Work beckons! Till friday ladies! XOXO


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