Hey Sister! Need a hand?

These past few weeks, I noticed a trend. Well, perhaps not a trend, let’s call it a behavioural characteristic. It’s been around for ages I suppose but recently, I spent some time thinking about it. It’s about us women and how we are so eager to NOT HELP one another.

Surprised? Don’t be. You know it’s true. I have observed men and I have observed women and sadly, I have realized there’s still something we should learn from men…they have what you can call ‘the Brother Code’.

When two men rock up at a club wearing the same t-shirt, they don’t eye each other or drop dead in embarrassment! They point at each other laugh and say “Nice Tshirt yeah…I got mine at so-so store for ‘so-so’ price.

Let’s apply the same situation to women. Oh dear!!! It’s either someone goes ballistic and complains bitterly to her clique of friends about how that ‘riff-raff’ is copying her sense of style or one person will shy away into a corner to avoid being seen wearing the same dress as another woman! Don’t raise your eyebrows, I used to do it too but recently, I have decided there is a need for a sister code!

I have seen and heard lots of “My boyfriend and best friend did the nasty” situations and of course the ‘best friend’ says “But your man came on to me”. Pause! You have a choice. If your friend’s man is a dog, don’t roll in the dirt with him like a pig. You are familiar with the letters ‘N.O’ Aren’t you? It’s not cool to apply the rule of “You snooze, you loose” to your friendships.

I once had an interesting chat with one of my pastors and he pointed out something that made me think deeply- we women are ultra-quick to judge one another! Forget about trying to understand what the other person is going through. We lay on our thick eyebrows and raise them in judgement whenever we feel a sister is not on the ‘right’ path. We hardly ever give advise before we judge, we hardly give each other a ‘lifting up’. If we are not judging with our mouths, we are doing it with our hearts. Considering we can be so sanctimonious in our own little ways, we don’t believe we are being judgemental, Oh No! We are holy and righteous, as a matter of fact, some of us think we are holier than Jesus, so it’s ok to look down at other sisters with ‘rightful condemnation’.

In some churches today, women go to out-dress one another. No one wants to be caught in the category of the ‘unworthy to be spoken to’. How sad!!!

I was watching the Monique show a year ago and a comedian came and told a joke. She said “sisters just hate on each other. You walk into a room and tell them a harrowing ordeal of how you were kidnapped and saved by the police…the moment you walk out the door, the sisters start hating. They’d say “Of all the women walking down the street, the kidnappers only saw her? Who does she think she is that makes her worthy to be kidnapped?”

It was funny at the time but it also opened my eyes to how much we despise each other because we can’t get rid of the green veil of jealousy. We don’t listen to good advice because we think the other person might have some hidden agenda! A lady, Ese Walters recently wrote an online confession about her affair with a pastor and the manipulation that followed; surprisingly, women were the first to come out, condemn her and sentence her to hell. I was befuddled! I expected more women to stand by her and encourage her but nah…I was clearly thinking like someone from Mars and not Venus.

The way we treat each other has a ripple effect- that’s what we don’t understand. It allows us to fall prey to ugly situations especially with men. A married man can be randy, cool! That’s his and his wife’s problem. Don’t spice up the situation by indulging him- it will only end in two broken women. Imagine what the world will be like if women all said no to randy men, all stopped judging and instead started giving each other a hand up instead of a kick down…

Let’s learn a lesson from Jesus the son of God- He was on earth as a human but never looked down his nose at anyone. He showed mercy to the prostitute and let a sinner wash his feet. He didn’t judge them or consider them ‘too dirty’.

Life will be a lot better if we had each other’s backs- stranger or no stranger. Let’s raise a new generation of women. It begins with us. Spread some love to the women around you 😉

Much love, xoxo.

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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