- Miss Right Residence
- 1, Patiently waiting boulevard
- City of Singles, 0000, Planet earth.
To whom it may concern
Dear Mr. Right,
I hope you started 2014 with a good bang!!! I mean a good bang on the head because you deserve it! Don’t play ignorant with me; You know very well what i am talking about.
I was told to expect you in 2013 but I waited and waited to no avail; God has surely blessed me with patience; he definitely knew you were not going to show up in 2013. Where on earth are you? I spent days, weeks, and all the months of the year waiting for you. Scratch that…i have been waiting for you since I was sixteen!!! I have been learning to be a proper lady, reading God’s word and growing to become the nurturing woman I ought to be. I have completed all my courses in “Becoming an amazing wife 101”, getting distinctions in all my assignments, but for some reason, you still think I deserve to wait.
I was told you can’t find me if I stay holed up in my apartment all day, reading the bible so I decided to meet you quarter or halfway so you can at least find me. Don’t feed me the excuse that you’ve been looking for me too. Looking where exactly? I have been to all the places I was told you could be, possibly asking for directions on how to reach me. I tried the gym first of all because when I prayed, I prayed for a healthy fit man but you were not there! All the men I met there were self-absorbed chauvinists that were only interested in showing me their biceps…yes they were nicely built containers but they offered no valuable contents, I just had to move on.
I tried to join a community service group; afterall, i did pray for a man who is humble and loves to give to those in need but you were not there. I met many “Mr. Right nows” that were doing community service, not because they derived joy in it but it made them feel less guilty about their wealth. I wasn’t interested.
I tried the malls because I prayed you’ll be a man who understands my love for fashion and a man who will be in a position to spoil me silly; tough luck for me – all I met were creeps that winked at me and licked their lips, making me wonder if turtle-neck long sleeve, ankle-length dresses were the new fashion statements that screamed “A wink at me will get you a kiss and a lick of your lips will get me in bed.” I definitely got the heebie-jeebies and decided you were not hanging out at the mall. I wanted to try sitting alone at restaurants believing you will see me, strike a conversation and we will realize we are meant for each other but i did not want to come across as a single depressed and desperate soul. I did try cinemas, skating rinks and even clubs and pubs, though I was warned sternly that I may never find you there! Well, they were right. You were not in the pubs and though I was tempted with the idea of flashy hot and suave men, I had to stick to my mission – waiting for you Mr. right
Don’t laugh just yet and tell me you’ve been hiding in church, looking for me there. I have looked there, countless times! sometimes, i opened my eyes during prayers to see if your eyes were wandering around by any chance, perhaps, eye contact could convince you that I am the one but you have not been there. Don’t get me started on the different ‘genre’ of men i have met at the church. i would love to go into details but I think it’s better i do that in person. I have even tried blind dates where I sat there the whole time wondering “Has it really come to this?” I even lied I was going to powder my nose once on a blind date; instead, I grabbed my car keys and drove straight home to the company of my blanket and a nice tub of blueberry cheesecake ice cream.
I have now come to the conclusion that you are either somewhere resting because I’m far away and you need all your strength to find me, or you are lost (which is the more plausible explanation, considering I did not ask for a man who resides at the north pole) but I did ask for a man and studies have shown men hate asking for directions…they’ll rather get lost and try to find their way over and over and over again.
Well, I am not going to sit here, waiting for your no-direction-asking self to show up when I’m about to hit menopause. I have asked God to send you a GPS device! You’d better use it and get here soon! I just hope you are not stuck in a tree in the middle of nowhere.
All the single ladies