He wants to cheat… should you join him?

Cheating is fast becoming a norm! As a matter of fact, many women accept it as a relationship factor alongside other factors like giving, going on dates, emotional support etc. Many women are willing to join what I can only describe as a harem because they’d rather share their man openly than have a ‘cheating’ boyfriend. I really should applaud men that are able to convince women to become part of such; it really has to be the women who need psychological re-programming because I refuse to believe a man can force you to become part of his crew of power puff girls except you’re willing.

There’s something that tingles in a good way, in a girl’s heart when a man in a relationship (not necessarily married) approaches her and offers a relationship. Yes, he’s offering her a relationship as a side dish but still, something about the admiration he has for her excites her and most of the time, it’s not necessarily because she wants to cheat, it’s because she feels like the winner of a competition that’s not even happening.

“Men are competitive beings because of testosterone” Men do not compete with each other everyday at work in order to get a compliment from everyone (at least straight men don’t). Men are hardly secretly resenting each other because well, Tom has a BMW and Dave still has to make do with a Toyota tazz. Whoever said men are competitive because of testosterone clearly did not do a lot of research on oestrogen! Men compete when there’s a defined competition on the table. We women? We can do it all year long – every hour of the day, every day of the week, every week of the month…you get the gist. We compete over everything even though we don’t like to admit it. It gets worse when an alpha female joins the office – she looks good, smells good, has firm thighs, no signs of cellulite or stretch marks… And it’s that same spirit that we take into cheating.

When a man wants to cheat and approaches us, we feel flattered and think to ourselves “I’m better than his partner”. Some of us quickly remember to tell ourselves “I’m way better than being any man’s spare wheel that he can turn to when the ‘main’ wheel is flat while the rest of us feed the “I’m better than his partner” notion until we reach a point of no return…. A point where he’s giving excuses about how leaving his partner would break her heart, afterall she was with him when he had nothing; a point where he’s becoming irritated whenever he sees your number calling and he starts yelling, or a point where, after squeezing all he can get out of you (fun, a shoulder to cry on, support, help with a project, sex etc) he starts acting cold and disconnected from you and you’re left to wonder and question every conversation you had with him just to try to figure out where things went wrong.

Men usually cheat because they’re missing something in their relationship and don’t have the patience to wait for their partner to give it to them; they are big toddlers, even though they refuse to admit it; and sometimes, they cheat because they can. It doesn’t matter if they have supermodel partners or the woman with the highest IQ lying next to them everyday, or even the most supportive girlfriend anyone can think of…they cheat.

As a woman, you should not be the spare wheel he turns to when he’s bored in his relationship. You should not be the girl who has to leave the room first and he leaves 20 minutes later simply because he doesn’t want people to see you together. You shouldn’t be the one he takes to dinghy hotel rooms to hide the affair and he even asks you to use your name for reservations because well, girlfriend can’t trace your name, she doesn’t know who you are. Truth be told, most times she doesn’t know you exist! Not because she’s an idiot as he would have you believe but because he’s the most loving man on earth when he’s with her. I know when married men want to cheat, many of them say “We don’t even have sex anymore”, appealing to the compassionate woman in you, yet, four months down the line, you see the wife with a bulging belly that says “baby on the way”. How on earth did that happen?!

Don’t play his game. It feels good to be flattered; when you’ve been single for a long time, it feels great for someone to approach you and tell you how wonderful you are, even if he’s already hooked but don’t feed the “I’m better than his partner” notion till you find yourself in a place you can’t understand.

I know some of you would argue that you actually found love that way; it happens! He could have made a wrong decision and realised it after meeting you. Sometimes, you meet a man in a relationship and he realises you’re what he has been looking for all this while. In that case, that man will go out of his way to show you that you mean everything, including putting the other woman out of her misery and not making you his main wheel, but his only wheel. When you break down, he’ll be with you because he has no spare, when you’re pumped up again, the ride continues.


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