Marriage is not a chore!

A beautiful bride, a handsome groom, delightful wedding guests and perfect plans can make for a great mix on a woman’s wedding day. You can tell by how she gushes as you congratulate her on her big day, the tear drop that travels down her cheek when the vows are exchanged and the ear-to-ear grin that seems glued to her face.

Fast-forward, a year or two later, she’s sitting with a single friend, discussing relationships and marital bliss and her next words are “Marriage is hard work”. Jeez! The next time I hear that statement, I’ll throw a tantrum! Why do most people make marriage sound like a chore that robs them of the right to enjoy life as they would love to?

At some point, I started to wonder if married people uttered that statement in order to make themselves look ‘busy’ like “hey, we’re both employed at a Fortune 500 company but I’m married so I’m doing more work than you.” I wondered if it is a statement uttered by many to sort of elevate the married people in society, in an effort to make them seem more important, like they’re carrying the burden of the economic welfare of the world on their shoulders.

Luckily for me ( I count myself lucky), I met a few old couples at a church retreat and as we talked, I asked them a question that had plagued me for months “Is marriage hard work?” One of the gentle old ladies smiled at me and said “Yes it is…. If you marry the wrong person”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disputing the many trials and test of wills that come with marriage, but to call the whole institution ‘hard work’ like it’s a NECESSARY EVIL takes the joy out of it. The term ‘hard work’ implies that you have to work to love your home, you have to work to love your partner; basically everything you do is a laborious task that wears you out.

If you see your marriage as hard work, it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a chore you have to carry out/put up with, whether you like it or not. It becomes a bore, it becomes a robber of some sort, robbing you of a life you’d have loved to live. As time goes by, it starts to seem like manual labour.

According to one of the old couples I had the privilege of meeting, when couples fail to communicate effectively, marriage becomes work. It becomes a partnership filled with many unsaid words, many unexpressed feelings and that subsequently leaves room for intrusions that in turn lead to MORE WORK. One partner might go off gallivanting while the other is burdened with the task of making the marriage a success, and that of course is HARD WORK!

When you love someone, being with that person should not feel like work! Does it feel like hard work when you’re in God’s presence? I hope not! In God’s presence, you find love and it should be the same with your partner. There will definitely be bad days, trials and tribulations that may try to threaten the foundation of your union but believe that together, you can stand! Trials fade with excellent communication and love that’s real and true.

If something bothers you, talk to your partner about it but remember you can’t be the talker all the time. You must be a listener too when your partner wants to vent! Before you make a snide remark, think of how it would affect your partner and either ‘bite your tongue’ or say something more pleasant. Whatever you do or say, stop broadcasting how much hard work marriage is, and please stop scaring other people that want to get married!

Marriage is not hard work! Does it require a certain level of maturity before you should consider applying to be a spouse? That’s for sure! Does it require a foundation based on the word of God? Of course! Does it require you to sometimes go out of your way to make the other person happy? Sure, selfless-ness is one of the ways you can express your love!

Marriage requires a lot of things but it definitely should not be perceived as a laborious chore!



About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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4 Responses to Marriage is not a chore!

  1. ingesaunders says:

    “Is marriage hard work?” One of the gentle old ladies smiled at me and said “Yes it is…. If you marry the wrong person” <– that about sums it up for me. If you marry what the person has, their title, their looks etc. You will end up with a Marriage like any relationship in life needs to be nurtured, with love, care & mutual respect. It is troubling/annoying when people add their marriage on their list of things to do. I feel sorry for them. No relationship should be viewed like that. Usually when someone becomes a bore/chore it means the season is over, take what you've learned & move on. In a covenant relationship you can't do that. Hence the reason why marriages shouldn't be based on superficial things about the person, rather about whether you see this person growing with you & your family:-) And that's my two cents!lol


    • ladydacreme says:

      Inge! I love you so much for this!!! You read between the lines of my post and you comprehend what I’m trying to say. That statement sure irritates the hell out of me! Sometimes I feel married people are trying to make other people feel they are doing something laborious that others can’t handle. Sure, marriage is difficult sometimes, but people make it seem like an assignment that is super difficult!

      I have married friends that have been through hard times, times were so hard on them, the world could see; but when I asked the wife If marriage was difficult, she said “no! I love it because I married my friend.” I was taken aback and I admired them even more! They are the main inspiration behind this post! Thanks again for your input Inge! Love you!
      Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone.


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  3. Reblogged this on lipglossmaffia's Blog and commented:
    It really isn’t…


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