At some point in your life, you will feel the urge to settle down; all your friends will start getting married, uploading pictures of cute new-born babies on Facebook and Instagram and cute pictures of random romantic acts by their husbands. On your profile, your pictures are a far cry from that of someone with a happy union; they are mostly pictures of you alone making funny faces at the camera, taking selfies from different angles or well pictures of your dog, cats and perhaps a parrot.
The need to search for your soul mate will become overwhelming and before you know it, you are out there on the hunting ground looking for Mr. Right. He doesn’t have to be Mr. Perfect, that, you know and you even have a list of things you don’t like but won’t mind tolerating. You know what his height must be, his complexion, his career even, his etiquette skills etc…
There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want but when you start searching for your soul mate with all your energy, you have a little problem on your hands. This problem is so little, yet it becomes significant as time goes on. It’s the fact that you start to perceive every man you meet as a potential life partner. Before you get to really know him, you already checked 5 qualities out of ten on your list- he has a nice height, a great job, speaks properly, is sophisticated just like you and is the perfect age. This again is not a bad thing; what follows however is the crux of the problem- you start to pull him towards you.
You might read that and think “huh?! How is that a bad thing?” I’ll let you in on it. The problem with searching for your soul mate is that you tend to believe any man who has 50% of what you are looking for must be the one so you start acting like he’s the one before he even indicates he’d like to be the one. Makes sense? i hope so. You start to talk about marriage on the second date, you talk about ring sizes, weddings and if you are really caught in dream land, you start to talk about the number of children you’d like to have. Now this would have been great if you’ve known him for a few months or perhaps a year, but someone you’ve only known for a week? You have to admit that is weird!
Another problem with searching for your soul mate is that you won’t enjoy dating anymore; every date becomes like a task – a task to see if you can unmask prince charming in this new big fish you’ve caught. Dating becomes laborious and subsequently becomes full of disappointments. It becomes exasperating when you can’t find the one and you sink into the “I’m unlovable” depression pit.
I stopped searching for my soul mate because I got tired of finding douche bags and egocentric selfish beasts beneath each charming exterior. I decided to start spending time with myself, my family, my female friends and even my male friends. When I go on a date, I have zero expectations and i discovered I have enjoyed many more dates since then, even with guys I once screened as potential life partners.
I’m not asking you to embrace the world of loneliness and depression; I am asking you to let go of the search. It is not your job. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy it. Be comfortable being in a room alone with yourself and not minding it. Yes, everyone is married, everyone has a baby and you don’t even have a boyfriend, not to mention one that would get down on one knee but believe me, that’s ok. He’s on his way and you won’t have to go out of your way to unmask him. You won’t come across as obsessive and desperate once you let go of the search and you’ll actually give good men an insight to who you really are. Stop searching and give yourself a proper shot.