When i was younger and mills and boons novels were the in-thing, I read a zillion of them; I was fascinated by many ways in which the men played ‘saviour’. In case you are unfamiliar with mills and boons novels, they usually start off with a heroine character- one that’s confident, knows what she wants from life and is out to get it; she’s probably a hurt heroine who has made a vow never to love again until a strong man comes and saves her from that pit of loveless-ness. In my imagination, the summaries of the stories looked something like this
romantic enough to make any young girl wish her real life could be that of a heroine and a hero could come sweep her off her feet, right? How times have changed! *sigh*.
These days, many women are caught up in what I call the saviour syndrome web and they don’t even know it!. You may wonder…what on earth is she on about today? You’ll figure it out after you have answered these questions
- Do you find yourself attracted to men that are caught up in a relationship with the ‘wrong girl’ or are heartbroken from being in a relationship with the ‘wrong girl’?
- Do you often find yourself attracted to men who you have to look after with no chances of those gestures being reciprocated?
- Are you often in relationships where the financial burden of the relationship rests on you and you don’t mind it at all?
- Do you find yourself resisting men that are in a better position to care for you and look after you simply because you are afraid they might control you?
- Need I ask anymore questions before you get the point? That you like to play saviour and it is so damn unhealthy?
I don’t know if it’s the feminist in most women that have them confused or if they were programmed in Mars and not venus,but i know for sure that playing saviour is fast becoming a part of women today! We play saviour in many ways, some of which make me laugh till tears roll down my eyes. One common saviour role we like to take is the “I can change him” role. Dear sister, wake up and smell the bullshit stink emanating from him. If a man acts recklessly with his life, why on earth do you think you can change him? Yeah, I know there are those “we went to church together and he gave his life to Christ” incidents but honey, that doesn’t mean you changed him! God changed him! We don’t have the power to change men; like really, that statement goes alongside the likes of “He doesn’t know what he wants in a woman, I’ll help him figure it out” or “he’s so heartbroken, I’ll help him heal”….*clearing my throat*…………at whose expense?
what happens most of the time is that we women play saviour to men who couldn’t care less if they grew a tail and two additional arms; we put in all our effort to save these men ‘from themselves’ and in the process of playing saviour, we abandon our lives as they were and adorn ourselves with motherly, sisterly and ‘lover-ly’ robes to save men that are not even clear as to whether they intend to invest in us. Sad, isn’t it?
I once happened to overhear a conversation between two ladies while I was waiting for a smoothie at a restaurant; one of the ladies was defending herself as not being a gold-digger, hence the reason she only dates men she can help out financially. I think my jaw dropped, I can’t remember but i do remember walking back to my office, wondering “What?!” Why would any woman want to always play financial saviour to a man who has not even hinted at wanting to be by her side forever? The picture in my head is something like this:
Am I the only one that thinks that is a very odd picture? Ladies wake up!!! You can’t save a man! When a man says “I just don’t know what I want in a woman”, it’s an euphemism for “you don’t have what I want in a woman” because belive me, if you have what he wants or even half of what he wants, he would not be uttering that statement to you. Don’t hang around hoping he’ll wake up one morning and magically realize you are the one. Don’t put your love life on hold for someone that knows for sure that you are not what he wants in a woman! Stop hanging around, trying to heal the broken hearted man with the hope that he will fall in love with you and you will live happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, you can be his friend (if you are strong enough to control your emotions) but make sure you give him room to mourn the relationship he just lost. Failure to do this and you risk being the rebound chic.
Funny how we women fall everytime we try to play saviour; we fall into despair, heartbreak, the “I’m unlovable” pit and every other heart-wrenching ditch you can think of. The reason is simple; it’s not our duty to play saviour to any man! xoxo