Lies Single Women Tell Themselves

Single women lie to themselves- that is not news. Married women lie to single women- Oh! Are you surprised?! Sometimes, people feed us with information to sway our desires and decisions to suit the lifestyles they already live…. I will address this in a later post.

Today, I was working on my book when this topic came to mind- lies we single women tell ourselves and the lies society has made us believe. These are the lies that mostly influence our relationship decisions and lead to so many of us living unhappy discontent lives by the time we are 40, married with three kids and worried about the bank coming to repossess the house.

#1 The ‘Display Your Personal Assets’ lie: These days, the belief of this lie is conspicuous in the way women carry themselves. some of us call it the effects of modernization while I just call it selling yourself cheap; whatever the case, we can all agree that this is one lie that hurts us women today even though we struggle to accept it. In case you are still wondering what this is about, I am referring to the new dress code women have adopted- boobs hanging out, legs and half of our butts exposed…then we go on dates and claim we want a man who is after God’s heart. How exactly will that work? This dress code stems from the belief that men want a woman who is sexy and is not afraid to display it. Afterall, these are the kinds of women getting married these days- no doubt but the question is what kind of man are they married to? Is that the kind of man you would like to marry? Can any man take you serious when the whole world can see your nipples and your butt hanging out on a date? The truth is this: Men like excitement and thrill but once they are done with the treat, they throw the lady in a ‘tool box’ of tools they will only open when they feel like it and she may not even be the tool of choice. Let a man see you for what is in your head and your heart, not what should be hidden beneath your clothes.  Displaying your assets will not attract men, it will attract dogs that are simply hungry for a piece of meat. When the meat is all chowed up, be sure some more dogs will come for the bones, until there is no evidence left of the meat…well, besides some cartilage pieces.

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#2 Poverty breeds good behaviour: LIE LIE LIE!!!! i don’t know where this came from but it really bothers me. These days, when a wealthy couple’s marriage end in divorce, many people are lined up and ready to point out that money i snot everything, it doesn’t bring happiness and bla bla.And living in a shack does? Ladies please!!!! Many of our married friends that married down are quick to point out how rosy things are for them but the truth they don’t tell you is how bent their backs are from carrying the dead weight of their husbands.Many women believe when a man has nothing, he is automatically a good person, while a financially stable man has a higher chance of being abusive and unavailable in marriage, hence women date down. Stop lying to yourself. That philosophy does not hold. If a man has nothing, that is dangerous to you, not just financially but emotionally too! Are you aware of what he might become when he starts to make it? I always say that you know a man when he has power and money by the way he treats himself, those below him and those around him. You can’t know anything about a man who is on the floor! If you ask him to lick your ass, he will because he doesn’t have any status to refuse! I’m not saying some poor men are not good but being poor is not the prerequisite for good behaviour. Hint: always aspire for a man who is on the same level as you are or higher! Dating down is self-crime!Image

For more on this, check out my post on gold digging here–>  https://ladydacreme.wordpress.com/2013/10/25/be-a-gold-digger/

#3 Potential Is All I Need to See: This one cracks me up; I am sure you are surprised because this is a statement that is very common amongst single women. Everyone talks about potential, potential and more potential. Lady, EVERY LIVING BEING HAS POTENTIAL! As long as a person is alive and breathing, he has the potential to turn his life in any direction, a drug addict has the potential to change, a child that is terrible at maths has the potential to become better….with practice. In other words, POTENTIAL IS NOT ENOUGH! Action is what you need to see. I have the potential to become a best-selling author in a year or two but I don’t see that happening if i laze around on the couch all day and do nothing. I can write a whole book but it’s not going anyway if I don’t get an agent, a publisher or the whole nine yards. Potential just won’t do! You need to see him in action, making changes in his life and striving to make sure life is better for both of you. Many women are in the potential trap, growing grey hairs, don’t be one of them!

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#4 Men will be intimidated If I’m Intelligent: Yea…this is one many of us that have dared to venture into the world of postgraduate studies face. Our mothers even get scared for us..”You are pursuing a PhD? Where will you find a man?” Oh well! *shrug*… I should do a post on lies our mothers told us. Anyway, back to the point; if a man is intimidated by your achievements, he is not the man for you. An oppressed man expresses himself in different ways- he is either a wimp or a monster. The ‘wimpy’ ones are willing to lick your feet, unable to take a decision about their own lives and will nicely sit around like lap dogs until you throw them a ball to fetch. The monsters on the other hand want you to know who wears the pants in the relationship and will not miss an opportunity to talk you down or tell you how unnecessary it is for you to tell his friends what your research is about. No….they want you to sit quietly like a lap dog until they tell you to fetch, get it? They attempt to break you until you become a wimp. Sadly, many well-achieved women are attracted to the monsters because they believe that is the best bet they have, and that is certainly better than having a man that is a wimp. Wrong! None of them would do. Don’t dumb yourself down for any man and really, you don’t need to carry your achievements on your shoulders like honorary badges. Be yourself, go on dates, have fun, enjoy your life, enjoy it when a worthy man chases you and let him know you can be caught (give him a bit of a hard time, it’s just fun that way *evil grin*), but whatever you do, don’t accept that you can’t find a man because you are smart. No! The truth is, you can’t find an idiot because you are smart; he will simply faint from the aroma of your intelligence, and yeah…that’s the way it should be! 😉

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XOXO

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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8 Responses to Lies Single Women Tell Themselves

  1. Oluwatofunmi says:

    Wow! Read three of your articles…Men and their unrealistic expectations, silence is a skill and this…within minutes and I’m like ‘Wow’. I actually thought women who reasoned like me are just my mom, aunts and my 3 female besties. Wow! It’s so great getting to read your thoughts. Thank you for not letting your mind be disintegrated by the flailing society; Thank you for sharing your thoughts and Thank you for being you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • ladydacreme says:

      Tofunmi, your comment just made my day! Thank you for appreciating me! Hope you find more of my posts that tickle your fancy.

      Like

      • Oluwatofunmi says:

        Thank you too. I’m glad I could make your day. I actually subscibed to your blog…my first ever and I just read one of your old posts (Defining relationships) and I could totally relate. Just went through a similar experience. Wish I’d read it earlier but all the same, had bunch of lessons to learn. Please, keep doing your thing! Cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

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