Are You Dating Down Just to Settle Down?

The incessant race to get married is not helping society in any way. Single ladies in their mid and late twenties are not spared third degree style questioning by family members with regards to their intention to settle down. “When are you getting married?”, “I hope you are not chasing men away with your attitude?”, “Lower your standards, no man can meet all these requirements”…the list of advice goes on and on until you find yourself looking exasperated and questioning where your life is heading. I was home for a couple of weeks and these questions were on everyone’s lips… Needless to say, I was tired of answering all the questions and I could feel the migraines approaching. No wonder many women date down just so they can settle down.

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Now, when many of us hear the phrase ‘dating down’, we immediately think about money and social class. While those two are important factors when a lady is about to get married, there are many women out there married to men with good financial standing and from high social class, yet they know at the bottom of their hearts that they married undeserving men. If you are dating an abusive man, believe me, you are dating down! If you are dating a man who is totally uneducated while you are aspiring to reach great heights with your education, you are dating down! If you are dating a man who expects you to wear the pants around the house, simply because he’s too weak to make decisions or support you financially, you are dating down! Dating down is a crime no woman should commit if she respects and loves herself. When you start dating down, you have basically entered into a relationship with someone who cannot understand your drive for success, your dreams or your legit hustle to achieve them. I have friends telling me their husbands don’t want them to pursue their masters degrees, just so they won’t be more qualified. I have friends that are broken, telling me they don’t have husbands; instead they have an extra mouth to feed as the mister is just home, chilling on the couch, doing nothing! Society can tell you your reasonable standards are too high; don’t listen. Society won’t lift a finger to help you when you start doing a lifetime sentence for dating down. I am not saying if you have a car, he must have three or if you have a PhD, he must have one too. On the contrary, I am saying you need to be with a man who is emotionally, intellectually and financially compatible with you. He has to be someone who is actively working to achieve his dreams, and not just telling you about how much potential he has. Everyone that is alive has potential! Don’t get stuck in that trap!

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While I was home, my sister’s best friend made a statement that caught my attention. She said “When you get to a certain age, you just have to settle for whoever comes your way.” I didn’t argue or respond, simply because I didn’t have the energy to. Besides, she is way older than I am so I couldn’t understand where she was coming from. My thoughts however were ‘what’s the point of settling if you’ll be miserable till death parts you and your unfit partner?’ That explains why many people kill their partners! Aha! Riddle solved! Don’t date down! Don’t settle for an abusive man (be it physical or emotional), because your biological clock is ticking. Don’t settle for a man who doesn’t respect you simply because society said marriage will change him. Don’t settle for a man who will stand in the way of your dreams simply because they are bigger than his! Don’t settle for what’s beneath you! It’s a sign you don’t love yourself enough. Aim high, work towards your dreams, achieve your goals! Unlike society thinks, there is a lid for every pot! XOXO

 

PS: I missed you all these past few weeks! Now share your thoughts on the subject. As usual, I am looking forward to reading them.

 

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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