Confidence Is An Outfit….

….An outfit designed by self-esteem, an unshakable belief in oneself, yet with the lack of conceit. I guess this brief explanation shows why there is a lot of ‘pseudo-confidence’ in the world. Many people exude what I call pseudo-confidence because it is simply a charade of some sort, or if you will, a camouflage suit to hide what is truly crumbling underneath. It’s like having a beautiful house with a weak foundation underneath; any little wind or flood, and the house is in rubbles.

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Many of us are eager to show we are confident; we are eager to exude a high self-esteem we do not possess, we are eager to act in ways we believe we should act to prove we possess something we do not- confidence. I have been very observant of recent, and have come to understand the many ways people, especially women (my main subjects of interest) hide their lack of confidence and put on the fake outfits designed by low self-esteem, conceit and an unnecessary desire to continually blow their own horn. There are signs of pseudo-confidence that I easily pick up when I meet a person for the first time and some of them are explained below:

  • Comparism: Do you ever walk into a room, scan it quickly to ensure no one is better dressed than you are and then feel better about yourself once that fact has been established? That is a sign of lack of confidence! I have met ladies at conferences, dinners and seminars who cannot live with themselves if they are not the best dressed in the room. Of course they walk in wearing breathtaking outfits, and even smell like a basket of summer roses; however, that whole charade crumbles the moment they feel someone else has a better outfit. These kinds of people are unnecessarily competitive; they spend hours deciding on what to wear, not because they are indecisive (like I happen to be), but because they want to ensure they outshine everyone. Anything short of that, and they believe they haven’t succeeded in their quest for the day. This unnecessary urge to compare oneself with others leads to the next sign of pseudo-confidence I have observed.
  • External Praise: Some people cannot feel 100% good until someone else raves about how beautiful they are. This is a consistent attitude with people who like to compare themselves with others in order to feel good. 50% of their quest is complete if no one in the room is better-dressed than they are, while the remaining 50% depends on compliments by others. Some people cannot stand not having compliments; they live off compliments. Without it, their confidence takes a knock, and you see them silently sitting in a corner checking messages that do not exist on their phones.
  • ‘Off the roof-tops’ attitude: Just like people who need external praise to boost their confidence, some people cannot help but speak at the top of their voices literally and virtually! These are the people who possess the right combination of qualities in terms of beauty, great sense of style and even a great body, but need to constantly show off these things to gain compliments from others. They shout everything from the roof-tops. They are the ones who speak at the top of their voices in a group, know what everyone ought to be doing to get their lives right, and constantly want to be the centre of attention. They want to outshine other people and they make it known! These people will latch on to their achievements and will not hesitate to remind everyone of them. They want to show people they are living the life of everyone’s dream even when they are simply struggling to make ends meet. People with this attitude also tend to compare themselves with others, and are so into themselves, they’ve crossed the line between self-love and downright conceit.

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True confidence doesn’t need to be shouted off the roof-tops, it does not compare with others and has no desire to outshine others. A confident person is confident irrespective of what he or she is wearing, irrespective of looks, and irrespective of the opinions of others. You need to ask yourself if you are truly confident in who you are, or if you are exuding pseudo-confidence. XOXO

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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