Nigerian Men And The Moral Paradox

ibrahim

It is no secret, Nigerian men are hot. Ok…that may be an exaggeration; there are some *clearing my throat* not so hot Nigerian men, but the general assumption where I live is that any man that is tall, dark, handsome, has swag, and has a funny accent must be Nigerian. Women throw themselves at their feet; I don’t know if that’s because of the supposedly large penis size compared to other nationalities like South Africa or if it’s because of the lavish ‘extravagant-ness’ with which Nigerian men spend money on ladies in a bid to impress them. Whatever the case may be, Nigerian men are preferred candidates for dating or marriage where I live. I suppose it will come across as weird now when I tell you that I find many Nigerian men to be hypocrites…probably the largest set of people in the world with hypocrisy encoded in their DNA.

I am a Nigerian lady- born and bred in Lagos for fifteen years before I moved to South Africa at the age of sixteen, and oh my! My eyes have seen so much about Nigerian men that I can’t help but wonder if being a Nigerian man is synonymous with having double standards. You see, Nigeria is a country with a somewhat conservative culture. There are gender roles that are expected to be fulfilled in relationships and there are certain expectations of Nigerian women as the culture dictates. For example, a typical married Nigerian woman is not expected to leave her husband at home with their teeny weeny babies, to go clubbing with her friends. It is unheard of for a Nigerian lady to be considered as a decent lady of ‘marriage-able’ standards if she has had sex with two or three men who know each other. If she sends her nude photos, she’s definitely a slut, if she sends a horny text, she’s not the kind of girl you want to marry…the list goes on.

So imagine my shock and utter amazement when I started to meet Nigerian men in South Africa and England, who condemn Nigerian women for going against these cultural ‘norms’ while they chase after foreign women who do worse. They go on about gender roles when they are with Nigerian women, but the moment a foreign woman steps into the picture, my poor Nigerian brothers are willing to rock the babies to sleep, cook dinner, clean the house and do the laundry, while their foreign trophy acquisition goes clubbing with her male friends 😮 believe me I am not making this up. I know of a South African lady who had sex with four Nigerian men (all friends), and yet when they spoke about her, their descriptions were offered with utmost admiration. She was the best they ever had, they wanted more, and to my surprise, one of them wanted to have an exclusive relationship with her. Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, a Nigerian lady who had only been in the country for a year had apparently ‘done the nasty’ with two Nigerian men she wasn’t aware knew each other, and oh the criticism flowed like an endless river. “She has no class!”, “I can never marry a girl like that, and I’ll ensure no guy I know looks her way”…. Oh? What’s good for the goose is no good for the gander?

Nigerian men! Nawa o! I’m yet to meet men of other nationalities who are so engrossed in the art of double standards. Why do Nigerian men become fools for foreign women, yet can barely spend a cent on Nigerian women? They accuse Nigerian women of wanting their money if she asks for a twix bar, but would gladly buy a car for a foreign woman who makes it clear she won’t stay if the money runs dry. So many Nigerian men have Nigerian women who genuinely care for them, and respect them, but they prefer to chase after foreign women who would not hesitate to slap them across the face if they slip up one tiny bit. I associate it with low self-esteem; for some reason I cannot understand, some Nigerian men consider dating a foreign woman to be an achievement. I wish I could understand why that is, but I just can’t. Perhaps a Nigerian man can explain this to me.

I am not saying Nigerian men should not fall in love with foreign women and vice versa; where there’s genuine love, I am glad. My point here is Nigerian men should not judge Nigerian women with different yardsticks. It is absolutely wrong to impose cultural norms on Nigerian women while you chase after women who do not fulfill 50% of the moral obligations you try to project. Don’t diss Nigerian women for wearing beach shorts that show their thighs while `you run after women in hot pants that show that can pass as g-string shorts. If you don’t fancy Nigerian women, that’s OK, you don’t have to wash their dirty laundry in public or list the 1001 reasons why they are just not your cup of tea.

hypocrisy

Ranting over…. as you were.

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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4 Responses to Nigerian Men And The Moral Paradox

  1. miohtan says:

    Dear Demi,
    So long old friend….
    @D18THDAY
    I find it amusing that you claim not to understand Demi’s blog. I thought it was simple and detailed. It is just your “hypocritical NIGERIAN MALE ego”” which she rightful pointed out speaking. As usual, you think it’s just another feminist bearing her thought. It is our bitter cross and the silent truth. The tears and bitterness your own mother swallowed because of her children. I work as a banker and I understand what she’s talking about. A western woman talks about her dream, her passion and her man loves her more for that. A typical Nigerian man promised to change my life and trips to Dubai for love in exchange for my career and people frowned that I turned him down. My parents spent their life savings (my mom died on a official trip to get money for my tuition fee) to make their first child someone that can stand tall in this failing world and lead her little ones to achieving their dreams and because of what the society thinks I have to trade those sweat and labor for a trip to Dubai. On the second thought, think about your future lil baby girl, after you watch blossom her into a great person, leave it all behind because of a chauvinistic man. You will understand why they say Husbands are not Fathers.
    I hope when you hold your little baby girl in your arm, looking at her sleeping and dreaming about her future, you will remember that this is one of the many great wars she has to fight because of men like you (her own father) THE SILENCE WAR OF SOCIETAL GENDER INEQUALITY.
    For my Mother’s labor and UNTIMELY Death, I would not trade my dreams for an undeserving love. I see the disappointed look on my father’s face when I speak about vain fantasies and his proud face when I get promoted, get recommended or argue professionally with him (an accountant). He forgets that his wife is died and lights up.
    That because He’s my FATHER, (I have never given him money) and not a HUSBAND
    HE IS SIMPLY PROUD OF HIS LITTLE GIRL.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If there was a love icon, i’d click it a million times on your comment lovey. Nigerian men mostly have double standards when dealing with women! Nigerian women are expected to constantly sit in the background while their western counterparts are praised for having dreams and set goals. Everything is based on double standards including morality!

      Like

  2. d18thday says:

    Interesting, but here’s the thing. I have absolutely no idea what you are writing about. I’m a Nigerian man n none of this makes any sense coa they absolutely aren’t true. If I have expections about what I think a good Woman would be for me, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. If u so wanna do things at ur own will without been ready to make d concessions necessary to promote a good marriage, well I’m stomped then. It beats me but again, a free world. Free ideas all d way. I would continue to uphold my morality n whenever anyone speaks I’ll of my heritage. Well, I’ll just live on and keep a cool head about it. Nigerian men!!! They are good. Take it or leave it… Your choice 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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