Know When to Give Up on ‘Your Man’

Today has been an unproductive day; not only are my sinuses acting up like crazy, I simply feel like doing nothing. Thank goodness for ‘work from home’ days, else I’d probably be at my desk at work sleeping like a dunce. My unproductive day got exciting when I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. With my constant search for opportunities in motivational speaking, I really thought someone was calling to invite me to an event. So you can imagine my surprise when the caller started with “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I’d like you to please stay away from my man’. HUH?! What man? I was thinking ‘who is this?’ Next thing the threats start coming; “If you keep speaking to him, I will embarrass you in public; I’ll show you who I am, I’ll do this and do that, make the clouds descend to earth”… you get the gist. I laughed in response; what else do you do when you’re dealing with yet another disoriented woman with no sense of self-dignity?

I eventually figured out who the guy is; he’s a friend I’ve had for about a couple of years now. we hardly got along at first because he never really said much when he was with me. I found it hard to keep conversations flowing so I just let him be. But recently, we started hanging out, and it turns out he’s been a really fun person to hang out with. We’re cool, we talk, and of course he had told me about his psycho ex, and even asked for my advice. So again, you can imagine my surprise when I get a call from this ex telling me to stay away.

Ladies, first things first, you cannot expect a man to give up his friendships just because he is dating or dated you (I’m yet to know what the true story is here- are they together or not?- a question for the gods). But still, whatever the case may be, get your own life! Get your own friends! For goodness sake, don’t become Janet Bond, trying to eliminate anyone you think might be a threat. It’s an indication that you have way too much time on your hands, and you don’t have any confidence in your relationship.

Know when to give up on ‘your man’, and no those quote marks aren’t just there for the effect. Your man is only your man if he commits to you and doesn’t give you the need to call other women who barely know of your existence. If you have to fight really hard, or call up women to threaten them, all in a bid to save your ‘relationship’, then you have crossed over to the dark side, and you need to reassess your sanity. I always tell my female friends- if you have an issue with your man’s relationship with another woman, talk to him; ask him to deal with it! it is not your place to call women up and tell them how to relate with your man. If he is truly yours, he will draw the necessary boundaries with the source of your worries. If he is not willing to put your mind at ease, then it’s time to save your dignity, respect yourself and walk out the door. Stealing numbers from phones, stalking other women on Facebook, twitter or Instagram, when they don’t even know you exist is evidence the man you are fighting over is not yours, hence the need to eliminate everyone else until he believes he has no choice but to settle for you; which begs the question “would you like him to settle for you because you’re the last option he has, or would you like to be his first choice everyday?”

Threatening other innocent women, and trying to destroy ‘your man’s’ friendship with them will not endear him to you in anyway. If anything at all, it will make him run farther away from you! Not only is it an undignified way of acting, it is clearly a show of low self-esteem. Come hail or storm, I have never had any reason to call my boyfriend’s female friends or even his exes. That’s his stuff to handle. He’s a man, not a toddler. I see no reason to dictate which friendships he should keep! Am I the only one that thinks that’s what normal women should do?

Girl, get your mind right! If you have to fight hard to keep him, he is certainly not yours. No one can steal a man except he’s ready to leave, or has already left! If you have to threaten other women around him, then he’s just not that into you! It’s time to give up! Don’t wait till he has to tattoo it on his forehead that he no longer wants you! Jeez woman, have some self-respect.

In case you are wondering how we left things, she ranted and hung up without hearing anything I had to say; so I sent her a nice text saying she could always come to me for relationship advice. Let’s see if we can get her sanity back on track.

XOXO

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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3 Responses to Know When to Give Up on ‘Your Man’

  1. I’m a veteran of these kind of calls. I don’t know why, but girls always think I’m a threat. I find it extremely petty. Why would you call a girl over a guy? Why? Why? Why? It’s a guy, you shouldn’t lose your dignity over that. Sigh…

    Oh well, what do I know?

    Like

  2. bolly says:

    Love this!! So true. If I have to put a girl in check for my man.. then the relationship is done because my man shouldn’t be in a situation where I have to do that. he should handle it. It screams she has extreme low self esteem. Well put out article.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know! I’m just stunned some women still stoop so low! I mean really? If you can’t get your man to draw boundaries between him and his female friends, then he’s not your man. What cracks me up is the fact that she checks everything on my social media. She knows when I said or did whatever. She needs help. I hope she sees this article too.

      Like

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