Surprised? Don’t be. This is a harsh reality we must all face albeit late. But you know what they say… It is better late than never, right?
If you’ve been finding yourself in downward spiral relationships where you always tend to get the short end of the stick in spite of your dedication and awesomeness,you can blame it on no other than your parents.
Our parents are the first people we encounter; they are the first examples of love we see; they are the first people we date. Whether we like it or not, our parents determine how we see ourselves as adults and how we approach relationships.
Do you know why an amazing man or woman seems soooo good, you start to wonder if you deserve such a person to the point where you deliberately or unintentionally start to sabotage the relationship? Your parents taught you that. How? The answer is simple: criticism without love.
So many of us spent our childhood being criticized for all the things we did wrong while the things we did right were waved off without consideration. Our parents, in their bid to make us successful citizens of society, spent time trying to correct our wrongs without ever acknowledging our achievements lest we become bigheaded. The result? We have grown up thinking we are not good enough for the kind of love that nurtures; we’ve grown up thinking we are unworthy of love that is true…. Except we prove ourselves worthy.
Perhaps that is why women are obsessed with the idea of proving themselves as ‘wife material’. Perhaps that is why men feel the need to boost their ego by bedding a woman. Maybe, just maybe that is why we attract drama and pain. We don’t feel good enough so we go for what we think we deserve – love thats’s superficial and easily blown away;love that’s not dependent on who we are but rather on what we can do or offer;love that bails when we fall short;love that still crucifies us for being who we are and who we are not.
Can we break the circle? Yes. If we accept our parents ruined us by making us lovers of achievement rather than lovers of nurture.
We can choose to choose differently. We can choose to enjoy and respect the love when someone is crazy about us and we are crazy about them too. We can choose to jump into it despite the anxiety that tells us it is just too good to be true, too comfortable, too drama-free. We can choose not to prove we are worthy of a phone call or gestures of love that makes us feel safe and secure in the love we desire. Unlike our parents raised us to believe, we need not prove we need approval and no one needs to prove they deserve love.
So get out of that relationship that feels like a test every damn time. Get out of the relationship that’s leading nowhere peaceful. Get out of that relationship that feels like you’re in grade 9 all over again and all you can hear is your mom or dad asking why you didn’t score 110% on your maths test. You deserve better; you can have better. Our parents might not have known better, but we do. Let’s choose better in our life choices, happiness choices, love choices. Let’s choose peace, nurture and genuine love over the need for approval…. Because if it is approval we are seeking in love, we will never be good enough.
Enjoy the weekend. Xoxo