If you have never had an actual hemorrhoid, please go on your knees and pray you never ever experience the life-threatening pain that comes with it. I never thought it would happen to me. I live a healthy lifestyle, attend aerobics classes, hardly eat bread, can’t remember the last time I bought sugar…. basically I never thought hemorrhoids could come from my healthy lifestyle. Just like 1000001 other Nigerians, I assumed hemorrhoids are for people who consume a lot of sugar till their butt holes protest. Boy was I wrong!
It started after a very grueling fitness class. We had just finished a combination session of squats, lunges and cones when my butt started to feel a little painful. I quickly attributed the pain to all the squatting positions and figured I’ll be fine by morning. I have been squatting for months, so really, what’s new? Hahaha… I guess my butt was laughing at me in Spanish.
By the next morning, I attempted to gleefully roll off my bed as usual and start my day with my upbeat playlist, to give me a bright outlook on my boring work life when I felt the pain. It felt like the smooth stone David attacked Goliath with had been lodged between my butt. What the heck is going on? I took a shower with all the strength I could muster and went to work. The whole day, it felt like I was waging war against myself…a war I just couldn’t win because I had no idea what was going on down there. By the time I left the office, I could barely walk. Jeez! Me the ever-fit, brisk-walking melanin beauty who always had her head high was walking like I was just learning to use my legs for the first time. I was literally dragging my feet because any brisk step I attempted seemed to anger this august visitor. I made it to a pharmacy and in hushed tones explained to a kind lady what the problem was. Got some medicine and advice, and trudged back to my car. At this point, I could see the angels beckoning, and I was beginning to have an idea of what it means to be on fire… and as I sat in my car, it hit me.
Everyone has a hemorrhoid somewhere. We all have that one thing that hurts so bad, we can only discuss it in hushed tones with people we believe can help us. Sometimes, they are situations we cannot even discuss with other people, but they hurt so much, we literally have to trudge our way through them, hoping we make it out alive. People see us and don’t understand why we are no longer brisk in our steps, why we are irritable and we are sitting on one half of our butts. People might not know what we are going through but deep inside we do, and we know they can never ever feel our pain just like a husband cannot feel the labor pains of his wife.
Here’s a word for you: No matter what your hemorrhoid is, no matter what it is that hurts – a bad breakup, loss of income, loss of a loved one, loss of your dignity, pain from loved ones, betrayal, anything you feel deep inside that hurts so much – it will fade away with time. You might talk to people and find it’s not helping (the medicine I got at the pharmacy had zero effect); you might need to call in external help (my family members in Nigeria and the USA had to look for medicine for me and courier it because this visitor was not responding to South African things); you might need to turn to God and cry your eyes out (yes, it got to that point where I was telling God to come and uproot this thing with his divine power) and it felt like my prayers hit the ceiling and fell back on my bed… But with time, the pain faded away. With time, I couldn’t muster the same emotions the pain brought with it. With time, I could not feel like it ever happened. I was walking briskly again with my head held high and my my smile bright. I was not irritable or exhausted. I was myself…. again.
Give everything time. Your hurt, your pain, your sadness, the sting of betrayal, anything you feel that makes you less of yourself will fade away with time. It might feel like your actions are not working, like your prayers are not soaring, and your life is about to end, but believe me when I say “this too shall pass”. Your hemorrhoid, your period of darkness, and your pain will set you up for something better than you can ever imagine. Lots of love from me to you XOXO