A while ago, I wrote a post about good girls getting the guy (check it out here). This is a follow-up post aimed at the good guys who just can’t seem to get the girl.
There was a time I thought women were the problem; perhaps we truly prefer the bad boys who keep us on our toes emotionally and make us shed tears like we’ve been cast in the role of Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald in Passions. Perhaps, perhaps, the predictability and reliabilty of the good guy is just too boring and we need that extra drama to enjoy the relationship better. I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. While there are indeed women who serach for unnecessary drama, I have come to realize that the current playbook (or should I call it the subconscious rule book) for good guys is the most insipid thing to ever exist on this earth. Go on a date with the average ‘good guy’ and a poor lady is subjected to conversations about skyscrapers, wind, forest animals and the temperature of the sun *cricket sounds* Guys it is no longer 1835! If you want to get that beautiful sparkly lady with a big personality, get with the new rules.
#1 The way you dress actually matters: I don’t know who came up with the idea that inner beauty is all you need but I can tell you now that the external look is what pulls a person towards you in the first place. I don’t understand the men who still wear baggy pants, oversized blazers, checkered bright coloured pants or even safety shoes on a date. Don’t show up in a red suit, a white suit or a lime green suit (Yes I’ve seen that before)! If that’s you, you’ve most likely lost the girl from the moment she laid eyes on you. She might sit through the date just to be polite but that is the last time you will set eyes on her. If her tolerance for bullshit is zero, she will probably leave you sitting there.
Tip: Dress based on the kind of date you have planned. For a casual date, slim fit jeans, a tshirt and a pair of Toms classic canvas shoes is perfect. Don’t forget your cologne. How you smell also matters. Trim your beard, brush your hair. There is no crime in looking absolutely gorgeous.
#2 On the first date, she doesn’t want to know why you gave your life to Christ and she doesn’t want you to ask her why she did: I think many of guys attend lotsof relationship seminars where they are given a list of ‘safe’ topics to discuss just so they are sure the woman they are interested in is the ‘right kind of woman’… like that question tells anyone anything. If this is you, please stop asking this question on the first date or any date at all. If she is polite, she will give you a vague answer but not before she visibly rolls her eyes.
If you want to know her better, ask about how she spends her leisure time, if she has done any recent traveling, movies or books. Don’t ask about her ex! That is none of your business! Also don’t ask about the number of guys she has dated
#3 Understand that you are speaking to an adult! I pasted this on my facebook wall and I will say it here again. There is nothing sensible or attractive about a grown man speaking to a grown woman like he is speaking to a child in Grade 5. Dry jokes and sentences you used to utter in nursery school with your nursery school friends do not fly. Grown women prefer direct conversations that make them laugh and make them comfortable around you. Anything else will most likely bore us to death. This is where we go to the bathroom and never return.
#4 Let the flow be natural: Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a guy who does not let the emotions build up before he starts to make the big moves. Yes, you might be ready to tie the knot but the first date is not where you start to tell her about how you want to be married and how you have read the scripture, hence you feel ready. Dude do not attempt to schedule weekly or monthly dates so you can speed up the dating process and ensure the connection happens quickly enough. Someone recently asked me if we can pick a day every month where we meet… It was funny in the big bang theory; it is not funny in real life.
#5 Read the signs! Read the signs and body language and decipher if you are the type of person she would like to see again. She will most likely respond positively if you have made her laugh, been a little naughty and shown her your fun side (I mean actual fun, not house fellowship fun please). If however you have spent most of the date with long bouts of silence, lots of question and answer sessions and unncessarily serious conversation, she might not want to see you again. Don’t become that itchy irritant in her butt who calls even after she has made it clear that she does not have time to hang out with you again! Let her go. Work on yourself and then try someone new.
Post comments below. XOXO