This post is really for the ladies but hey guys pick up some tips too!
Getting over an ex is difficult enough without the added twist of having to see them every day and possibly even work with them! Someone on twitter recently asked if people would take up a new job knowing that their ex works at the same place. Some responses were affirmative; others wanted some more information regarding the nature and logistics of the job, and others simply said no. I said I’d take the job and strut to that job every day, and that is not just me talking for the sake of sounding brave. I have actually been there, done that and I printed t-shirts for everyone to declare my awesomeness.
So what are my tips for succeeding at this? Get a pen and paper.
#1 Acknowledge that you may still have feelings for your ex: The reason many people fail with this ‘getting over the ex’ business is because they want to be in denial. They want to put up a facade of toughness, whereas one wave of the hand or a slight touch will have them undone at the seams. Say it to yourself that you still have feelings for this person, accept that, then take the next step…
#2 Ask yourself what’s important: You see I have come to realise that feelings don’t just disappear, and it is not so easy to just ‘get over stuff’. You can’t just push a button and reset your emotions or even your life depending on how deep the relationship was. So you need to play the game of what’s important and what’s not. Just to give you a clue: your success is important, fulfilling the requirements of your job is important, crying over your ex and walking around like a train killed your cat – not important. Acting like a lovestruck teenager who can’t keep his/her emotions in check – not important. Paying bills – important, having food to eat – important. If you are both on the same project, impressing the boss and successfully executing the project – important. Getting carried away on the good old times and crying at odd times – not important. I’m sure now you get the gist.
#3 Keep your emotions in check: In the workplace, there is some degree of flirting… even in the nerdiest of places. Chances are your ex will flirt with someone or someone will flirt with your ex. Don’t start giving him/her the evil eye. Don’t start a malice game or even try to claim your territory It is no longer yours. Don’t tell the whole office how your ex broke your heart and left you in pieces Let tip #2 be your guide. What’s important versus what’s not. You are important. Succeeding in your career in important. Keep the emotions aside. Cry a river when you get home but at work, the focus should be on the job
#4 Don’t check to see if they still love you: If a person still loves you, you won’t need to check by pulling stunts or having that ‘can we just talk things out before we go our separate ways’ moment. That is a trap from your heart. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Such discussions end up being open-ended, and there is no such thing as ‘open-ended closure’. Nah… never heard of it.
#5 Start relating with potential ‘dateables’: NB! NB! This is not to make your ex jealous, so he/she can return on bended knees, singing BoyzIImen’s ‘end of the road’. Nope nope. It is a technique to move on. Go out on dates with other people; meet with your boys for drinks after work or your girls for a nice girlie time that does not involve moping over the fact that your ex did not say hello when you passed each other in the hallway. Have genuine fun and let laughter find you.
Now, these tips will not help you when thoughts of your ex come to torment you in the dead of the night, and you start to question why he or she left. In times like that, remember Leona Lewis’ ‘Better in time’. Things will hurt when they have to but they get better in time. Cry your eyes out in your bedroom if you want to, wake up the next day, beat up your face with good old MAC and some Urban Decay. If you’re a guy, get that beard trimmed and your hair cut. Show up at work, and repeat steps 1 to 5. XOXO