Cutting People Off Won’t Change Your Life

“New year, new me”

These are words we have all heard, seen and possibly grown tired of as people repetitively declare them as their mantra at the end of every year. Threats of cutting people off in the new year often fill social media posts and lots of popular blogs and platforms advise as every year courses towards its end that we cut off the people who do not add any value to us. Everyone brags about it in some way or the other:

the ultimate New Year mantra

“I am blocking people who do not add any value to my life.”

“This is the year I cut off people who do not care about me.”

“If we have haven’t spoken for x number of days or years, it means you can do without me so I am cutting you off.”

“If you are not pushing me towards my goals, I am cutting you off”

The bluff goes on and on from mid-December till the end of January and then suddenly, everything is silent. People go about their normal lives and the scissor is put to rest until the next December. Yes, call it a vicious cycle.

Can I burst this bubble? Can I make this unpopular announcement?

“Cutting people off will not change your life if you are not in the right mind space to change your life.”

Yes, I know that sounds weird. It is meant to be because no one ever tells you this. When the epiphany first hit me, I shook it off and told myself I was crazy. Of course, cutting off toxic people, sad people, destructive people and all the kinds of people I did not want in my life was a great thing to do. But then I asked myself how many times cutting people off made a difference in my life. How many times did I experience any visible change in my life’s journey solely from cutting people off?

The answer, which was NONE was like a cold blade pressed to my neck. I realized that the positive changes in my life did not come from cutting off negative people. It came from actively transforming my own mind and elevating my own perceptions, understanding, and actions regarding the reality I was planning to change. Without these active efforts, I simply cut off the people I did not want and replaced them with other people who were cut from the exact same fabric.

In other words, I could cut off a toxic friend who made me feel insecure about myself but go on to date a guy who did the exact same thing albeit subtly. Different people, same effect. The onus was on me to change my own view of the situation, place or mission in order to change my life. It was not about or on the negative or toxic people; it was really about me and my ability to effect change within myself.

“So what should I do with these toxic, negative and sad people?” you might ask.

My answer is NOTHING. Change your perceptions and be resolute in elevating yourself beyond their current comprehension or perspective. Naturally, you will start to draw away from them, and them away from you. It will not require any effort because your focus will be on the bigger and better, nor will it require your annual announcement that comes to naught. By stirring yourself within and resolutely seeking to elevate your thoughts and self, people fall off. Besides, I doubt announcing your intention to cut people off at the end of every year has achieved much, else you would not have to do it so often. Give this a shot. It worked for me and i believe it can for you too.

Happy new year! Expect more posts! XOXO

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About Demilade Fayemiwo

I am a woman on an adventure; a student of life; a voice for the hopeless. I'm a city set on a hill. Motivation is what I do; it is who I am; it is hardwired into my DNA. I can't help but get you moving!
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