The Real Reason Intelligent Women End Up Single

1536539575_professional_woman_xlargeIt is general knowledge; men want a lady in public, and a freak in private. Add a dash of intelligence, a spoonful of beauty, sprinkle some sense of humor over her and she is all good for them to gobble up. Isn’t it strange then that many intelligent women who have ALL the above-mentioned characteristics remain single for donkey years while their seemingly less-intelligent buddies go on to have the warmth of a man, the care of a family and the joy of sharing warm meals at a dinner table? It doesn’t make any logical sense that women who do not spend their entire day with their noses stuck in books, or their TVs constantly tuned to CNN get the best men out there. They get the hardworking, intelligent, christian man who would lift the world on his shoulders to please them if he had to. Strange picture right?

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I have spent a lot of time around intelligent women; I daresay I only keep intelligent friends. In case you’re a friend of mine reading this, and you’re doubting your intelligence, you should be doubting our friendship too. Anyway, back to the crux of the gist… how is it that many intelligent women remain single for long periods? I know the answer! No! It’s not because men like stupid women; some men may prefer to have women who do not have any opinions of their own, but intelligent men LOVE intelligent women. You’re probably thinking ‘Oh! then why don’t they ask us out? I have an answer for that too! It’s because we are so into our acquired intelligence, we have our noses stuck in the air half of the time. Yeah… you are probably shaking your head right and asking “is she expecting me to act dumb?” Nope! Definitely not!

Like I said earlier, I spent a lot of time observing intelligent women and our male counterparts and I arrived at the conclusion that men tend to avoid (for lack of a better word) intelligent women because we wear our intelligence like a shield. Many of us believe intelligence is an apparel we must display like clothing on mannequins; we think intelligence is a shiny badge we must shove in everyone’s faces to avoid being taken for a ride or being treated less than we actually are. The crux of what I am trying to say is that we want to put out our intelligence before we put out our human selves because we believe it makes us look better. Well, want to know what guys think? I’ll keep that till later.

I am not saying women should dumb themselves down for men; not by any stretch of the imagination! On the contrary, embrace your intelligence, love it, use it when you need to, but stop, stop using it as a yardstick other people must comply to. Just because you like to follow CNN 24 hours a day doesn’t mean you are more intelligent than a person who watches the same station for 30 minutes a day and spends time doing other things. When you meet a guy for the first time, don’t write him off as an idiot simply because he’s not aware crude oil prices are set to continue falling, hurting the economies of oil-reliant nations like the Middle East and some parts of West Africa (yes, I follow the news but it wouldn’t be the first thing I’d speak about with a new guy I have my sights on). We are quick to write men off as ‘wrong’ if they don’t connect with us on the level we want the very first day.

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Besides waving our intelligence in people’s faces and letting them know we have it all, I have observed that many intelligent women are impatient. We judge intelligence by the physical outlook of the individual; if he doesn’t meet up to the physical standards of an intelligent man, we immediately write him off, and assume he is not worth a tinge of our time. Well guess what? Some CEOs walk around in shorts and even ride bicycles to the closest supermarket. Some of the world’s brightest minds crack jokes when they meet a person for the first time. If they are nerds like me, those jokes probably won’t be funny and you may assume they are dumbasses, and walk away from a potential life partner that could be the best thing that ever happened to you. When we women discover we are intelligent, we want to show it everyone, and if we can, lord it over everyone! And you wonder why we stay single till Olay can no longer solve our wrinkle problems.  Aha! Now you know.

No man wants a domineering woman. No woman wants a domineering intelligent female friend either, so this has nothing to do with men and their mars-ish attitude (men are from mars, get it?). Every human being on earth wants to be understood, respected and treated as an equal. same goes for the issue of intelligence. Being intelligent doesn’t mean you need to constantly prove a point, it doesn’t mean you have to win every argument and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to always have the last word.That’s so annoying by the way; I’m a woman and I can’t stand those female weirdos that text you like 30 minutes after the end of the argument to say things like “fine”, “heard you”, “do what you like”… Jeez your silence is enough for me to deduce that).

Intelligent men don’t want to enter into the battle of intelligence so they go for  what we may perceive as less-intelligent women. They don’t want to argue endlessly over the same issue in a bid to win an inconsequential argument, and they certainly don’t want a woman who will constantly throw the “I’m smart, don’t take me for a fool” line at them EVERY SINGLE TIME! Really ladies, that line is stale. Time to come up with something else. Intelligence is not maturity; perhaps, that’s why we miss out on love.

Do share your thoughts! XOXO

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What Love Really Is

As published on http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2014/09/what-love-really-is.html

love_hd-normalI think love is the most misunderstood term on earth. There are so many definitions of love, one can’t help but wonder which is right. Many people are aware that love is not just about the butterflies in the tummy that soon die off as you get to know Mr. or Miss Perfect is not all that perfect. However, many people are still unaware of what love itself is! I’ve heard definitions like “love is a decision”, “love is more than just a feeling”, “love is an undeniable magnetism between two people”….well, so is lust.

After reading an interesting blog post titled “Love Is Not Enough”, I got thinking. The writer of the post highlighted correctly that taking just the way we feel about someone as the determining factor as to whether or not we should be with that person is a recipe for disaster. A fellow blogger posted on his blog that there are other factors that come to play if we want love to be enough; factors such as respect, care etc in addition to the emotions we feel make love enough. Having carefully read the two posts, I came to my own conclusion. Love is an umbrella under which the constituent factors for a successful relationship/marriage are found.

What is the difference between love and lust? They both give you butterflies in your tummy, they both last for as long as you are both willing to make things work and they both make you feel like you are walking on air when things are going well. Some people say “love lasts longer” I don’t know about that. I know of pure lustful relationships that have lasted for decades. What then differentiates love from lust? The constituent factors which are not found in a lustful association.

Respect: Respect is a key constituent of successful relationships! There is no love where there is no respect for each other’s feelings, dreams and aspirations. If you are in a relationship with a person who doesn’t respect your time, your dreams, and your contributions to the relationship, you are in a relationship with someone who is definitely not in love with you! Butterflies in your tummy will make you giggle, blush and eventually get you into bed together but respect is one of the factors that will make you stay together. Respect for each other’s feelings will prevent you from cheating or making decisions that are only in your best interest. Respect for each other’s aspirations will make you a person that builds his or her partner up and not tear them down to satisfy desires fueled by a  low self-esteem. Respect means arguing without yelling and generally presenting your argument in a confident, yet not confrontational manner. People who respect each other don’t throw threats around during an argument, or aim to win every argument. They understand that their partner’s opinions are just as important and sometimes, it’s best to agree to disagree and move on.

Tolerance: Many people believe their partners will be so perfect they will not have to tolerate any bad habits. If you are one of those people, wake up now and smell the real world! Your inability to tolerate or overlook certain things will eventually frustrate you and lead to a bitter relationship. Tolerance is one of the key constituents of love because it allows for unity instead of uniformity. Many of us don’t want to date people that are exactly like us! I love myself to bits but I think if I married a man that’s exactly like me, I may walk out of my skin. This means, like many other people in the world, I am open to being unified with a person that’s different. This means I can’t escape the differences that may be annoying but tolerable, A friend of mine once pointed out that the reason we had such a good friendship was because we were able to celebrate each other’s differences instead of look upon them with criticism.

Freedom: This is one aspect of our lives we are willing to trade the moment we feel love is what we have. The bitter truth is, when love is true, you don’t have to sacrifice your freedom for it. This includes your freedom to express yourself the way you always have, freedom to pursue the dreams you’ve always wanted to pursue, freedom to bare yourself without any hint of judgement or unsolicited criticism…freedom to be yourself, and not become half of someone else.

Forgiveness: Funny enough, forgiveness can be found in lustful associations too. People who are undeniably sexually attracted to each other will forgive each other just like people in love will. However there is a difference. Love does not go back to revisit all the wrongs during an argument. I’ve seen and heard some women argue and the moment they utter the words “It’s just like last time when you….” I get a banging headache! That’s not love! Think about your parents and the many horrifying things you’ve done that made them wonder if they truly gave birth to you. In spite of all that, they are ready to laugh with you as soon as possible, they don’t remind you constantly of what a horrible child you’ve been when you try to make things right, and they don’t seize every opportunity to tell you they’ll never forgive you. True love forgives and though may not forget, doesn’t remind the other person that it has not forgotten.

Care: There is an irrefutable level of care that can be observed amongst people who truly love each other. I don’t mean buying flowers or chocolates…that’s giving gifts, though they may be very thoughtful ones. Caring for someone means looking out for that person in every way. It means being considerate, being helpful and generally being willing to tie up loose ends so your partner can have a few extra minutes of rest. Where love is real, care is real and selfishness is a temptation, not an intrinsic characteristic. I once went home with a friend who’s married with two kids. It was one of those long days and all she wanted to do was take a bath and go to bed, but she had two kids who were waiting for her to come home to cook dinner. As we arrived home, we greeted her husband who was watching TV with the kids and proceeded to the kitchen. Her husband called out and said “Dear, don’t cook tonight. I ordered pizza so you can rest.” Tears fell out of her eyes in a mixture of gratitude, exhaustion and relief. I was touched! The whole time she had been slaving away at her school work, he had been thinking of her! He knew she’d be tired by the time she got back, he knew she needed her rest for the next day and well, no child hates pizza.

Love is not just an individual term that we can use to explain things the way we deem fit. It is an umbrella term under which core factors are grouped. To say we truly have love means we have the core factors in our relationship! If we stop concentrating on just how we feel which may simply be a result of lust, and instead concentrate on what the core foundation of our relationships are built on, then we can truly start to embrace relationships the way we should, and even encourage others through our actions to do the same. XOXO